I never feel wholly one or the other

And never fully a part of one half of my heart or the other

But somehow two halves make one whole me

Rebekah “RJ” Johnson

Intro

Last week, I wrote a review of the ABC TV show Mixed-ish. And I was moved by the main character’s question to her mother, “So I’m not a good black person if my hair is straight?”

My heart lingered on this question longer than my original post. And it turned into a poem for this week. This is my response to every mixed kid’s question, “How do I be good?” as they navigate the many expectations of their world.

I Am Good Already

How do I be good?

When my creator breathed his breath

And looked me over

Did He say that I was not enough?

Not enough black, Not enough White,

A faint shade of Brown

I must not have made her quite right

She’ll make the self-corrections on her own

Or Was I made good

Just like my mother and just like my father

They are considered whole of the blood of their veins

But If I am only half of one and half of the other

Am I broken

Or am I set apart,

The definition of Holy

I never feel wholly one or the other

And never fully a part of one half of my heart or the other

But somehow two halves make one whole me

To be good must my hair curl naturally

Or do I bend the rules of my Maker’s fingertips

Under the heat and pressure of your lips

To meet your eye’s expectations

And either way,

Will I ever be enough for you?

My locks neat, natural, or notorious enough for you

Can I simply be the woman God made me to be?

Or must I mirror someone other than the face I see…

…Reflecting back

When I ask my own set of eyes “How do I be good?”

The image of His lips speaks, “By whose standards do you ask?”

“Everyone’s” I whisper in my deepest honesty

“But where are they?” My Maker questions,

“Whose reflection do you see in this glass?”

My heart beats faster as it receives revelation

“You were not made to reflect them…

…You were made to mirror me…

…And I AM good already.”

My soul echoes in reply, “Therefore…

…I am good already”

May I not worship the images others are made to be

Lest I call them idols and the sacrifice is me

May I not throw my identity to the fire

To be molded into a false imitation of God’s intended creation

May I not look in disdain at the pieces of divinity

Mosaicly crafted into this imago dei

Neatly, naturally, notoriously

Made intentionally, thoughtfully, purposefully…

How do I be good?

I am very good already