So I’m determined for this to be a quick evening post in between the time I’ve snuck out of bed to the time Baby eventually stirs for needing milk again. Hopefully that will help me be brief. (Edit to Add: I’ve gotten up a handful of times to finish this!).

I felt oddly and ironically inspired to post some photos from our recent family trip to Big Bear. Granted, it wasn’t your typical family vacation pics of us standing in front of a lake, moreso the drool worthy photos of the pizza we ate at Saucy Mama’s (10/10 would recommend because it is RIGHTFULLY named for really good pizza sauce), and our dreamy Airbnb location that just begged for artsy photos.

In between photos of our pizza and our aesthetically pleasing A-frame tree top cabin were many mini moments of learning how to rest with a new baby. LOTS and LOTS of learning…

Before driving up the mountain I had read Psalm 131, which is a small chapter that mentions a “quiet soul.” That was just the chapter I needed. This trip had been on the calendar for months as a restful getaway. So that was my prayer for Big Bear, the opportunity for a quiet and rested soul.

That prayer was answered with a sleeping baby as we did all the switchbacks on our way up the mountain, Hallelujah.

And then that prayer came with its own test…. “Did I truly desire to rest? Or was I just about to bring my busyness to a higher altitude?”

Once we were in Big Bear, Baby was vocal for the next several hours. I’ve come to really respect the phrase “sleep when the baby sleeps” because we spent the rest of the day into the night with a Baby who was obviously tired, but just couldn’t actually sleep and rest. We went shopping, went on a walk, unpacked, played in the cabin, nursed her several times, and when she eventually went to sleep….

We threw our own need to rest out the window. Instead of us honoring our own body’s need to sleep, we had a “crazy” persons’ idea to try to stay up and have some alone time together. We thought we were in the clear, that she was going to be out for at least a couple hours.

Wrong, we were so very wrong.

She woke up crying, then screaming. I nursed her back to sleep and thought that “Surely now she’ll sleep…” I waited a few minutes before slipping away, and 10 minutes later the screams fill up the cabin again. I went back to nurse her and repeat that same routine and rhythm several times only to exhaust myself to realizing that I just need to go to bed. Within a couple of hours, hubs and I had watched 17 minutes of Love is Blind, and my Ben and Jerry’s ice cream was melting in an untouched container. I submitted to the need to rest.

And then just when we had laid in bed, Baby’s eyes popped open. She started babbling and grabbing her feet, then my face, and then rolling and reaching for everything around her. Her sleep cycle was over.

I started laughing uncontrollably. Which I realized was some sort of weird stress response because I seriously couldn’t stop and it was quickly turning into a cry of pure tiredness. “Who’s the baby now?” I thought. As Mamas everywhere must do, I had to put on strength for a night of cluster feeding. The rest of the night had very little rest at all.

Eventually at an unknown time, everyone was asleep, and I was excited about the possibility for some alone time. I snuck downstairs. As soon as my feet tapped the first floor hardwood, subtle cries began that quickly turned into screams combined with the sounds of “Daddy’s here…Daddy’s here…” in reply. As much as she loves Daddy, that’s not who she’s looking for when she first wakes up.

Baby is screaming, dog is also pawing me on the hand so he can go outside to do his business and I am…. overstimulated. I feel like I’m not going to survive the next 24 hours if this is how it’s going to be.

I begin to tell myself that this is how babies are sometimes. It’s a new environment. A different routine. This isn’t my norm. And the last 24 hours don’t necessarily determine what the next 24 will be like. But also, if I don’t get some alone time soon I will not be OK. And, I better read my Word because I never regret doing that. And often, once I do read my Word I wish I had done it sooner.

So Bible on audio book while playing with Baby and getting breakfast ready with Hubby. Within a couple of hours, Baby is ready to sleep again.

And I say, “Ok…let’s do it. I’m going with you. Sleep when the Baby sleeps!” After nursing her, everyone in the house took the longest and most glorious late morning nap. After I woke up, I was able to hand a rested and happy Baby to hubby and write in my prayer journal:

“What. A. Difference. A. Nap. Makes. Thank you Lord for some genuine rest. Holy Spirit, teach me to rest. Teach me the cues for when I need to rest. When I don’t need to keep pushing forward, but when I need to drink water, sit, get away, kiss my husband, seek encouragement, bring myself back into the awe of your creation. When I need to walk, or do something that brings me laughter, not from a screen- but in my real life. Joy inducing activities. Painting. Drawing. Laying down to sleep. I Love You, Lord. Teach me to rest.”

From that moment forward I was still challenged with the temptation to do so many things. To make sure everything was ready for our activities for the day, to try to plan as many vacation activities as we could with the time left, to look good for the vacation activities…

But then I was comforted by the Holy Spirit to move at the pace of peace. To choose not to do any activities beyond what was necessary. I needed to recognize that with a new baby, you really live your life in small intervals of time, only to be interrupted by an inevitable need to eat and rest. And the beautiful thing about babies is that they are unapologetic in expressing their bodies’ needs while we as adults become experts at ignoring those same needs in our own bodies. This wasn’t the trip to do all the things. To rest meant to stop “doing” altogether for the sake of a quiet soul.

So, after that prayer, my one goal became to clean myself enough to go out to lunch, with no expectations of what was next, other than an eventual second nap.

We ate the best pizza, briefly walked down to the lake and debated, “Hmmm… should we go walk that trail by the lake… or head back because Baby is getting sleepy again…”

We learned our lesson and let the Holy Spirit teach us that rest is a gift that we get to receive over and over again.

We marched our booties back to the car (after a brief stop in one of the downtown gift shops), and let the time we had out be enough. We talked in the car about how this season is interesting in that our bodies feel the need to rest due to all kinds of life transitions and circumstances, but also how we look forward to the activities to come as Baby gets older. We could be obsessing about when we will get to do more things, or when we used to do more things before Baby, OR we could honor what our hearts needed in the current moment, time, and season. We could try to force ourselves to push to do a million things, or take the hints we’ve been receiving and ask God, “How can I move at the pace of your peace? Do you need me to do something right now? What is the priority? My body seems tired. So do I push, or do I receive and participate in your rest?”

I could preach to you about rest, sabbath, and why that’s important. But Baby has already woken up a couple of times, and I’m going to follow MY body’s cues to rest, too. I’ll leave you with this…

You were designed to worship.

You were designed to work.

Worship and work actually come from the same Hebrew word, avodah.

But you were also designed to rest.

If you’re constantly thinking of what’s next and what more you could do instead of enjoying here and now, may I tell you…

You do not have to earn your rest.

Rest is not a reward for your work, it is set apart and holy.

Rest is is a gift God knew was necessary.

Like your salvation, rest is gift that is not earned, only received.

And if you choose to not receive it, to engage in it, to embrace it…

It’s your own body, mind, spirit, and soul you are sacrificing.

And to some of you that are addicted to the sacrificing, I say…

You won’t have anything to sacrifice if you don’t rest.

You have permission to rest.

You have permission to rest.

You have permission to rest.

Dear Rebekah, and dear friend, you have permission to rest.

You are invited to rest.

And if rest is difficult for you, don’t worry, both babies and the Holy Spirit can teach you….

Sleep when the baby sleeps, or at least when the time presents itself. That time is a gift from the Lord.

What a difference a nap can make.

You don’t have to do all if any of the things, just the most important thing,

Whatever is the last thing God put on your heart to do.

And that important thing that maybe should be at the top of the list…

Is to make time to rest.

And now that the Hubby is snoring, that’s my cue…

Rest Well,

Rebekah

(Edit to Add: We slept soooo well the next night. The next day we got some Lake time, playground time, more good for time, and made some sweet rest-filled memories).